Episode 1- Welcome to Larkin's

Something just wasn't right. Murphy couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something about the smell of it was... abnormal, to say the least. With plunger in hand, he slowly pushed the bathroom door open. The smell hit him full on like a punch in the face so hard he almost staggered. Yeah, he thought as he pinched his nose, that's definitely abnormal. He stepped into the pale, greenish light of the men's room, fearing the worst, when his eye caught something unusually, well, shoved into the toilet. It was large, round and oddly enough, fruity.

"Oh, are you kidding me?!" Murphy fumed, "Hey Bill, someone clogged the toilet with a fruitcake!"

Bill, the cashier on duty at Larkin's Supermarket, craned his neck interestedly and said, "Really? No way. Lemme see!" Murphy shook his head. Note to self-don't mention anything to Bill.

"Well aren't you going to help me unclog it?" he said, ignored totally by a bizarrely fascinated Bill.

"Look at the size of that? Where'd they get one this time of year?"

"Bill, I don't know and I don't really care. Now would you-"

"No, wait- I need to take a picture of this!" Bill scrambled back to the cash register, swiping his digital camera from beneath the counter and stumbling back to the bathroom.

Murphy sighed and put his face in his hands, "Why do I have to deal with people like this?"

Bill perked up, "Do you mean me or the people with the fruitcake?"

Without looking up, Murphy said, "Both." There was an indiscriminate 'ding' sound up by the front door. Customers.

A fat, old and pompous woman wearing a hat that looked like it belonged in the '40's strode in, bringing with her a skinny, equally old but submissive man with a wide, ugly mustache. Bill, being the terrible salesman that he was, seized the opportunity to go... well, do his thing.

He put on a too-broad annoying smile and cleared his throat loudly, "Good day, ma'am. Welcome to Larkin's. Might I interest you in some of our finest canned peaches? They're fresh from the er... can!"

The woman grunted, "I don't like peaches! Where are your frozen desserts?" Just then, Murphy returned from the bathroom, toting a sizeable and sopping wet fruitcake. Bill's eyes widened. He grabbed the fruitcake, wrapping it expertly and unnoticeably with a roll of plastic and setting it on the counter.

"Ma'am, today's your lucky day. We just happen to have a special on our select desserts here at Larkin's Supermarket. This fine delicacy can be yours for a mere cost of eight-"

"We'll take it," the woman said.
"Alright then, let me just ring that up for you," Bill got a goofy grin on his face and Murphy swore for a moment, he lost his mind. Another note to self: Bill should not handle the register.

"Whoah- what the hell are you doing, Bill? You can't sell th-" He was cut off by Bill, who coughed loudly as a distraction.

"Excuse my partner there, miss. He just cleans the toilets," The woman nodded dismissively as the skinny man with the mustache handed Bill exact change. Unbelievable, Murphy thought. He'd always wondered and thought that Bill's, well, adverse talents could even get someone to buy something fished out of the toilet... but now, he didn't have to wonder. But still, what did his opinion matter? He just cleaned the toilets.

As soon as the old couple left with their prize catch of the day, Murphy turned on Bill, "What was that?! Are you nuts? I mean, this is even worse than that time when you sold the boss's hairpiece as a drain unclogger! It's just plain disgusting, too!" Bill listened calmly through all this with an uninterested look on his face.

"Yeah, yeah," he said boredly, "it is really my fault, Murph? Or is it the customer's? Mr. Larkin always says that the customer's always right. Hey, they know what they like! And what they don't know won't hurt them. Right? Right." Oh sure, Murphy thought, that made a load of sense.

"Whatever. Next time, don't sell them anything from the toilet at least."

Then there was that goofy grin again, "I can't make any promises." Oh great, Murphy groaned inside his head, this is going to be one long summer job.